The feeling was bound to descend sooner or later - I'm actually surprised it took this long. I've been pacing all evening trying to figure out what, if anything, I should be doing. After all, in six days I'm leaving for three months. During those three months I will (a) start a new temporary job on the Indonesia desk at the mother ship, (b) give birth and start to navigate the "zone defense" world of having three children, and (c) bid on my next assignment. The uncertainty of any one of those activities would cause a certain level of anxiety. I seem to like to load on the changes in heaps. After all, I found out I was pregnant and being reassigned from the consular to political section on the same day. Maybe it's only fitting I'll have the baby at the same time we're bidding on jobs. Perhaps this is an omen that this third one will thrive in the constant changing our lifestyle embraces.
Oh - I forgot to mention other background things to think about:
1. 29 hours on the airplane at 8 months pregnant with a 5 yr old and 2 yr old.
2. Two weeks of working while hoping that Wm and Patch behave well for my mom who is generously providing free care.
3. Being a nice big sister for my little sister's wedding on August 25 (ie, trying not to think just of me and my changes! Umm... she's getting married. That pretty much ranks right up there with big life changes.)
4. How Wm and Patch will react - if at all - to being in the U.S. which does not qualify as "home" for them, regardless of how comforting it may be fore me. In fact, the 2-3 months Patch will spend there will precisely double the amount of time he will have spent in America.
5. Hoping our nanny, housekeeper, and driver don't find another family to work for during their extended paid leave. Doubtful, but with so many embassy families moving here in August - and with our impending departure in April 2013 - it is a risk.
6. That Wm won't miss out too much from being absent for two months.
7. A million other brief thoughts that flit into my mind which I banish before I start to go too crazy.
Thankfully, I'm making such good progress on my work to do list, I don't really feel worried about that anymore. Or, maybe I've just come to accept that my coworkers will, actually, manage without me - and probably do a fine job :)
The short of it is, I feel like tonight I should be doing more to prepare. But with the suitcase of baby stuff already packed, my important must-bring papers in a neat stack by the computer, and a packing list for the rest triple checked, I just can't think of what that might be. So, instead, I wrote this post, hoping that documenting the worries might deminish them. We'll see tomorrow night if it worked.
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